Thursday, May 5, 2011

she was a child

she was a child and she didn't understand
she didn't understand why they didn't love her
those other kids with those other parents
they loved those other kids
maybe if she acted more like them
acted the exact way they did!
maybe if she put bows in her hair!
her family would love her again
and not hurt her in places she had no names for in the middle of the night
The nights filled with confusion and pain and blood and…

...and then she had to go away.
she went to a place that was clean and things were so beautiful and the sun was always shining and horses were pink and bugs bunny and all the pretty faeries were her bestest friends.

And she learned to go away to that place as soon as the pain started between her legs and the more she went the better it became and dragons protected this absolute peaceful perfection.
this paradise that held no tears or stomach aches

it got harder for her to leave it.
Once when she was a teenager she decided to stay there for several years.
it took her more than several years to come back and get used to this strange reality where everybody worked at jobs and went to college and drove cars and laughed with friends over coffee
it was a weird world, it was very uncomfortable, her skin felt tight and ill fitting and she had a hard time mimicking those masks everybody walked around was exhausting.
even still, she worked very hard to get back to the Real World
and even though it seemed like the wrong decision to stay
now she cant get away
She's old now and she wants more than anything to go back
this life she has led has been confusing and full of pain she doesn't know how to process or fix
She's never quite learned the language of this world no matter how hard she studied.
She lost the way and she lost the key and she doesn't know the gatekeeper Dragon names anymore.

so, she walks here
and lost
She's very tired.
maybe one day she'll find her way back
to where everything was possible and she could fly like an eagle

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